Fear of Past Lives
by Melinda Sandy Halliwell
Summary: Minako and Zoisite seek comfort from each other even as they team up to try to protect Usagi and Mamoru. PGSM based. Entry for SM Fanswap. Warning: Character Deaths and Spoilers for PGSM. Also, some liberties taken with the events at the end of PGSM.


This is from the sm_fanswap community on LJ. My person (nephthysmoon) asked for Minako/Zoisite from PGSM. I have to admit, at first I was like "CRAP!" because a) Zoi belongs with Ami! and b) I'd not seen PGSM and wasn't sure I could create a story that would really be enjoyed by my recepient. However, I found myself watching PGSM, and realizing that there were parts of it I loved: Darkury, the characterization and growth of the girls and their powers, the portrayal of the complexities of the Shitennou in the Dark Kingdom. There are things I don't like, but definitely things that I took away from it. I then realized that I could write this story (especially if she'd allow me to tweak it at the end, which was approved). So, what follows, is my submission to sm_fanswap:

* * *

Minako sighed as Rei left the hospital room. "You don't understand." The words were all but whispered, leaning her head back against the bed, "No one does…"

She realized that statement was not entirely fair. Artemis understood, but he was a cat – a good friend, but still a cat. She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. Perhaps, of everything that was happening, the most difficult for Minako was the fact that none of the other girls could fully understand. None of them remembered the past life. They all carried the burden, but none of them actually remembered it.

If she was honest with herself, then than Minako would admit that she did not want them to remember. The burden of responsibility was enough; the memories were more than any of them should have to handle. Yet there was a small part of her, a part for which she felt guilty and tried desperately to ignore, that wanted to cry out at the unfairness of having to carry the burden alone.

Her eyes opened, and Minako sat up as she remembered that she was not the only one who remembered everything. "Zoisite remembers; he understands." She grinned slightly as she looked at her reflection in the hospital room window. "I wonder..."

"The question is, how do I contact him?" Glancing over to her laptop her grin grew, "It's worth a shot…" The worst case scenario would be that Zoisite would not see the message. Ideally, Minako would have an ally with whom she could talk, someone who would understand. "And perhaps someone I can be friends with without feeling bad about leaving them when I die…"

***

He hit a sour note as he became distracted by his own memories. With a soft growl, Zoisite pushed himself away from the piano and moved to one of the windows in the conservatory. It never ceased to amaze him that there could be beauty here in the Dark Kingdom.

"I warned you about all these memories, Zoisite. Perhaps you are finally beginning to understand."

Zoisite did not need to turn to know that Kunzite was smirking. His jaw clenched as he continued to look out the window. "Did you know?"

"You know when I first regained my memories, Zoisite. You are the one who made sure to return them to me after all."

He simply nodded, still not turning to face the other man, the man who had once been their leader in service to the Master. The fact of the matter was, and Zoisite well knew it, that even if Kunzite had remembered at the time, it would not have made a difference.

"I didn't touch her, if that makes you feel any better."

Zoisite blinked and turned to face Kunzite. "You did a fantastic job of making everyone believe otherwise then."

"Oh. I would have. Just not yet." He smiled, knowing that his words were torturing the musician and not caring. "She's a bit young for me. In a couple of years, had she survived here that long…" He grinned, leaving the rest unspoken but clearly stated.

"Why? We both know she's not the one you want."

Kunzite's sword was out in an instant, but Zoisite was well used to the other man threatening him. It was sometimes hard to remember that they had once been friends,, that he had looked up to Kunzite almost as much as he had Endymion.

For a few moments, silence permeated the room, until Kunzite sheathed his sword with a growl. "Endymion was not the only one who made a mistake in the past life. Fortunately, we managed to correct ours before they became fatal."

Zoisite frowned, "Metallia has twisted you more than I knew if you believe that."

Angry now, Kunzite wanted to hurt the musician. The younger man had infuriated him since Metallia had brought him back. He could not understand how he could be loyal to Endymion after Endymion had betrayed them all. Endymion was the reason that the four of them were stuck in this Hell that was the Dark Kingdom – Endymion and Serenity and her Senshi.

"Tell me, Zoisite. Did she even once notice you while she was here? Did her eyes linger on you for even a moment? Did she ever talk to you, engage you in one of her mental battles? Did she play a single game of chess with you?" He stepped forward, knowing that this would drive the dagger deeper into the other man's heart, "Who was it she made a cape for?"

Zoisite's hand clenched at his side, "Get out."

"Do you think you can make me leave? Fortunately, I have better things to be doing." Kunzite laughed a hollow, bitter laugh. "You're pathetic." He shook his head and turned on his heel, leaving with the knowledge of having won that battle.

Once he was alone again, Zoisite slammed his fist against the wall. He should have known better than to let Kunzite get to him like that, but the fact of the matter was that he was right. Not once had Mercury acknowledged his presence.

***

She was actually surprised when she realized that she was not alone. Turning, Minako smiled, "I wasn't sure you'd come." Despite the fact that he was still an enemy – a fact he had acknowledged himself when they first allied – and had tried to kill her while she was masquerading as the Princess, Minako did not transform into Venus.

"You said that you wanted to discuss how to keep them apart without hurting either of them. Obviously, Endymion is my priority, but I would prefer not hurting Serenity as well, if possible."

"Mamoru and Usagi. If we're going to prevent the past life from repeating itself, we should use their current names."

Zoisite frowned for a moment while he thought about that. "I suppose that makes sense."

"You realize they're already in love with each other. There really is not going to be anyway to keep them apart that won't hurt them both. Instead, we're going to have to try to minimize the pain."

Zoisite nodded, "I know, but if we don't keep them apart… the world will be destroyed again." He raised a hand, "I remember… it wasn't their fault, but that does not change anything. Beryl is not going to give up, and as much as I hate it, I cannot completely resist her. None of us can. There will be a war, Beryl will try to get Endymion…"

"And Usagi will use the Princess' power to destroy the world again."

Minako moved to the park bench and sat down, feeling tired and realizing that she could hide it better sitting than standing. After a moment, Zoisite joined her on the bench, leaving space between them.

"No one else understands." Minako finally broke the silence. "They haven't gotten their memories back." She sighed, "They want to protect her, but they don't understand how Mamoru is a danger to her."

Zoisite snorted, "I'll trade with you. KuKuh… um… the others, whether they have their memories or not, aren't interested in protecting Endymion." He held out some hope for Nephrite, but he did not want to think about the source of that hope.

Minako did not miss the slip, and her jaw clenched slightly as she looked at her hands. "I don't envy you."

"But I do understand, Venus."

"Minako. Please."

He nodded, "Very well. Minako." He smiled over to her, and in the silence that followed, her name hung in the air between them.

After an awkward moment, Zoisite stood. "I should go. Beryl will begin to question where I am." He placed something on the bench beside her. "If you need to talk or have ideas about keeping them apart… play this. I'll hear it and come as soon as I can, either by soul flight or in person."

As he pulled his cloak around him and disappeared, she picked up the music box. "I hope this one works less painfully than the last, Zoisite…"

***

The first few times that Minako had called Zoisite, they focused the issue of Mamoru and Usagi. TheWhile the ideas they reached did not seem to work – neither one seemed remotely interested in anyone else, and Zoisite was unwilling to push his Master towards Mio.

Zoisite had noticed that Minako seemed to get tired much more easily, and he had begun to worry about her. Whether intentional or not, a friendship had been forged between the two.

He was not particularly surprised when she played the music box after having just talked the evening before. A quick survey of the Dark Kingdom, confirmed that he would not be missed. Feeling confident that he could get away with visiting her, he left the Dark Kingdom and appeared in her hotel room.

She smiled at him when he appeared. "I thought perhaps we could both use a break."

Zoisite allowed a small smile to grace his lips, "A break? That does not sound like you, Minako. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I just… I was reminded that the present does matter, too. Don't worry, I've not lost my focus, but nothing we've tried this far has worked. I just… I want to enjoy some of my life." She shrugged, thinking of the lesson that Rei, with the help of the others, had taught her earlier that day.

He nodded, "All right. The Master is 'safe' in the Dark Kingdom, so there's not much I could do anyway. Did you have anything in particular in mind?"

Minako grinned and gestured over to an electronic keyboard. "I know it's not as good as a piano, but I thought perhaps you could play and I could sing. I sometimes forget how much I like to sing when it's always about performing."

With a flourish, Zoisite bowed, sweeping his coat aside, "I'd be honored, Minako."

After half an hour, Minako was exhausted, but she was beaming, and Zoisite found that he was glad to see her smile. When she flopped onto the couch laughing, he turned off the keyboard and moved to join her. She smiled to him as he sat down, "That was fun. Thanks."

"It was fun." He winked, "Almost odd to remember that music can be fun rather than just magical."

She laughed and laid her head on his shoulder. Minako was not entirely sure how he would react to the gesture. Admittedly, Zoisite was not her first choice for who she wanted to be comforting her, but the man with whom she would most want to spend her last few days and weeks was an enemy by his own choice.

Zoisite only hesitated a moment before he wrapped his arm around the young woman.

"Thank you." Her voice sounded small and uncertain.

"You should never have to thank anyone for the honor of holding you, Minako." Zoisite turned a bit and then took Minako's chin in his hand, turning her to look at him. He forgot what he was going to say as she leaned in towards him and he found himself kissing her.

After the kiss, she snuggled contently into him. "You know this is wrong."

Zoisite blinked for a moment. She was the one who had laid her head on him, who had initiated the kiss, and she was currently snuggling against him. "I'm sorry?"

He felt her chuckle as she snuggled closer into him. "No, I just want to make sure that we know what we're doing. That's all."

"Two friends taking comfort in each other? I don't see anything wrong with that."

She nodded, "You don't mind being used?"

"We both need comfort, Minako. I suppose that I'm using you as much as you are me."

"I'm ok with that." She pushed off from his chest and grinned up to him, "Kiss me again?"

***

"He's dying. Beryl's killing him." He sighed and leaned his forehead against the wall in the hotel room. "I can't let him die, Minako."

She nodded and came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him. "I know. I wouldn't let Usagi die if our positions were reversed."

Zoisite grimaced and was glad that she could not see his expression. "He could have just pretended to submit to her. All he had to do was be back by sunset… we could have had more time to figure this out, to try to find a way."

"There is no way, Zoisite. You know that. I know how much it hurts them, but they cannot be together."

He nodded with a sigh. "I know. I guess we're all cursed." He laughed, but it was short and bitter, and Minako found her arms tightening around him.

"The others… they're letting her do this?"

Zoisite snorted, "En… the Ma… Mamoru says that Nephrite's alive, but he does not have any powers. Jadeite…" He sighed, "Jadeite is confused. I think he finds it more comfortable to stay under Beryl's control – it's easier."

She closed her eyes, hating herself for how weak she felt as she asked, "And Kunzite?"

"Kunzite…" He sighed and turned, wrapping his own arms around the girl who was both so strong and so fragile. "Minako, do you really want me to answer that question?"

"As Minako? No. I'm not sure that there is anything you can say that would not hurt." She laughed as she nuzzled against his chest, "What a pair we make, huh? Both knowing that we'd rather be with someone else – both of us settling for what's convenient."

Zoisite raisedrose an eyebrow, "Minako?"

She shook her head against him, "I'm fine. And I don't regret this, I just…"

"I know."

They were both silent for a moment before she continued her original train of thought. "I'm not even sure that I want to know as Venus. After all, Venus was able to be with Kunzite. But it's not a matter of what I want. I'm the leader of the Senshi, the leader of the Princess' guardians. So, no. I don't want you to tell me. But we both know that I need you to."

"I'm sorry." The apology was not his to give, but he felt it important. It hung in the air between them, long enough that Zoisite began to wonder for what exactly he was asking forgiveness.

"Zoisite…"

He sighed and his beautiful face took on wrinkles of concern that bothered Minako. She reached up and gently caressed his cheek. "Just tell me. It's not your fault."

"He left the Dark Kingdom…"

Minako beamed, "He can do that? Really? Can he break free from Beryl's control?"

Zoisite nodded, "If anyone could, it would be him. He's barely been under her control anyway."

"I don't understand what the problem is then. If he breaks free… he can…" She sighed and took a step back from Zoisite. "I know I don't have much time left, and I don't want to abandon you, but…"

"Shh…" Zoisite moved towards her, pulling her back into his arms. "If I thought that was possible, you know I wouldn't mind. If you could have even just a few days of true happiness with him, I'd step out of the way without any hesitation."

"I don't understand… if he frees himself of Beryl."

"He hasn't freed himself of his need for revenge, Minako. I'm sorry. All of his memories, they're all colored by that last day." He held her tightly as he felt her stiffen, and while he knew that she would not allow him to see it, he suspected that a tear or two escaped her careful control. Not feeling her relax, he began to stroke her beautiful ebony hair. "I'm sorry."

She pushed herself away, having composed herself and wiped away any traces of tears. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Zoisite. You've been a good friend, provided me comfort I desperately needed. You have been loyal to Mamoru and have tried to protect the Princess."

Minako saw the flash of guilt that crossed his expression. "Zoisite?"

He shook his head, "Nothing, forget it. I need you to promise me something, Minako. Please?"

"Of course."

"No matter what happens, can… can you tell Mercury… Ami… can you tell Ami that I'm sorry?"

"Why can't you tell her yourself?"

"Please?"

"All right…" Minako sighed and looked at Zoisite. She had not realized it before, but the slump in his shoulders, the wrinkles on his face, a slight redness in his eyes… "This is goodbye, isn't it?"

He nodded, "I'm sorry that I couldn't stay with you to the end. But… the Master."

Minako shook her head, "No. I understand. I would do the same thing if it was the Princess' life, Usagi's life, that was in danger."

She tried to ignore the grimace, as she began to wonder what was happening. Was Zoisite willing to sacrifice Usagi to save Mamoru? She let it go, realizing that she would sacrifice Mamoru to save Usagi.

Instead, she closed the distance between them once more and kissed him. This kiss was not like their previous kisses. There was passion in this kiss, the passion they both shared for their charges, for the people they served.

When they broke apart, he smiled softly to the young woman he had fully come to respect. "Goodbye, Minako. Thank you."

She nodded as she watched him leave. Only when she was sure she was alone, did she take a moment to cry, though she did not have long. She was going to meet the others at the Crown.

***

He realized that he had made the wrong choice by sending the youma after the Princess. The Master needed to live, but not at the cost of the one he loved most. The realization that Mamoru agreed to Beryl's bargain for him and the others… He clenched his jaw as he hurried, hoping that he could make it in time.

He barely made it. Even a minute later, and the youma would have killed her. As he blocked the strike, he found himself wishing that the others were there. Perhaps Minako could forgive him for sending the youma and betraying her. Even greater was the hope that, if Mercury could see him saving the Princess, then she could remember and, maybe, they could be together.

Zoisite allowed himself to smile at the thought, but before he could do anything else, he felt a burning pain in his chest. Looking down, he saw the spikes with which the youma had impaled him. _Huh, I guess that I will exchange my life for the Master's after all._

He was amazed at the strength that the Princess showed as she took him to a near by tree. However, he was even more amazed by the compassion she showed him, begging him to hang on, to survive. He smiled softly as he asked her for forgiveness, just desperately hoping that he could spare her the tears. He could understand why the Master was in love with her.

As he sent out his last song to his brothers, to his Master, he found himself picturing two young women.

_Goodbye, Minako. You were a good friend. I'm sorry that you couldn't be with Kunzite, and I hope your last days are good, full of happiness. Please, let the girls in._

Then the image of the dying idol, a woman strong for everyone but herself, faded from his thoughts and was replaced with another. The image of a sweet young woman, who even in the darkest place on earth reached out to a man in need. He saw who she would grow into, a compassionate, brilliant young woman.

_Ami. I don't know that I ever stopped loving you. I'm sorry that I never got to show you. Please, find happiness. And maybe, one day you'll remember me. If you do, I don't want you to be sad. Remember the good times. Remember that I loved you. I'll always love you._

As his hand stilled and the music ended, Zoisite found himself to be at peace. The last thing he saw was not the Princess or his Master. The last thing he saw before everything went black was a smiling young woman with glasses, blushing prettily.

***

Minako had listened to the others. They were right. If she did not have the surgery, she would die in weeks at the most. With the surgery, there was a chance, a small chance, but a chance, that she would survive. Enough lives had been sacrificed to preventing the past from repeating itself; if there was a chance that she could fulfill her mission and live, then she had to take it.

As they prepped her for surgery, her thoughts turned to Zoisite. From what she had been told, he had given his own life to protect Usagi. She asked the others to forgive him, to accept that final sacrifice and remember him for that. Makoto and Rei had noticed that she had looked at Ami the whole time she talked about Zoisite, but neither understood why, thinking that perhaps it had to do with the time that Ami had spent in the Dark Kingdom.

She smiled slightly as she listened to the anesthesiologist telling her to count backwards from a hundred. _Please don't be mad that I'm hoping to not see you again soon. I want to live._

Her thoughts then moved to the girls. She knew that it was unfair of her to lie to them about when the surgery was, but this way they would not be worried about her. She would be well on her way to recovery by the time they decided it was safe to visit. Yes, she needed to learn to trust them more, but this was not a vulnerability she wanted to open herself to, not yet.

As the anesthesia began to work, her thoughts turned to a tall man with dark hair. His shoulders were broad, and everything about him spoke of strength and control. When he saw her, he smiled – not a cruel smile, but a smile that brought about an answering one of her own. He reached a hand out to her, and she found herself accepting it, allowing him to lead her away, feeling safe and right with him.

***

When Usagi and Mamoru remade the world, they were able to make a few minor changes. Minako's cancer was cured, and she never died on the operating table. Kunzite, Nephrite, Zoisite, and Jadeite were all restored, finding themselves leading normal lives.

While it had taken a bit of time, they had all remembered everything.

The men were slow about making themselves known though they kept an eye on Mamoru, making sure that they would always be there if he needed them.

Nephrite had been the first to integrate himself into the lives of the girls and Mamoru. He and Ami had laughed over their brief history in the Dark Kingdom and while he worked at the Crown. Nephrite, now known as Hiroyuki, admitted that he had had a crush on her ever since she had shown him kindness in the Dark Kingdom.

Motoki had been glad to welcome his friend back, and liked to tease the man that he made a much better human now than he had before. The dark glare he received was enough to throw him and everyone around him into gales of laughter. Graciously, Motoki had bowed out of his budding relationship with Makoto when it became clear that there was something between Hiroyuki and her.

Jadeite, now known as Jun, had been the last of the Shitennou to join the group. He had required much encouragement from the other men, and Mamoru's gentle reminder that he had forgiven him. Rei had taken time to warm up to him, but his sincerity and the support of the other men towards him had eventually won her over.

From the moment that Hiroyuki had made himself known, Ami began to hope that Zoisite would also return. Mamoru had assured her that he would, and it was only a matter of weeks before Hiroyuki and Mamoru were dragging Yoshito with them to a group picnic.

They had taken time to get to know each other. While they both felt a sense of attraction, Yoshito refused to remain a slave to some past life, and Ami had to take time to deal with Minako's confession as well as the unexpected, though hoped for, attention from a man. No one could pin point when they progressed from friends to a couple, but they were the second couple of the group to get married, and Usagi liked to tease Ami that she and Yoshito made her and Mamoru look like a cold – which always caused Ami to blush. couple. While Yoshito simply bragged about being married to a future doctor, his pride in Ami clear.

Shin did not come back to the group of his own volition, and he blamed Yoshito for what had happened.

He had been studying for a test, and while such a normal activity seemed refreshing and odd to him, he was thankful to have a second chance – or was it third? In the middle of reading a particularly boring passage, he had heard a knock at his door. When he answered it, he was surprised to see Minako standing on his door step.

"Should I ask if you approachedasked Yoshito for my address or if he pushed you?"

Minako shrugged, "Chicken, egg. Does it matter?"

"I suppose not. Would you listen if I tell you that I'm studying and now is not a good time?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment and then shook her head, "Nope."

"Then I guess I should invite you in." He moved out of the way and gestured for her to enter.

As Minako looked about, she took in his living room. "Nice place. It reflects you well. Appreciation for beauty, somber but not depressing. Definitely needs a woman's touch though."

"Minako, I know about you and… I suppose Zoisite would be the right name to use given everything."

"Good. Ami does too." She chuckled, "For about half a second when I first told her I saw a glimmer of her dark side. She got over it pretty quickly though… at least towards me. I think she's enjoying torturing Yoshito."

Shin smirked, "It really is his fault. He was rather preoccupied with memories when she was there, and didn't give her a chance to know him. So he deserves it."

"And what do I deserve?"

Shin sat down, gesturing for Minako to do the same. "I already gave you that answer, Minako. I was there, waiting for you, free from Beryl when… though I suppose that didn't really happen. Have I mentioned how much I hate paradoxes?"

"When I died on the operating table? I kind of like the paradox that gives us both a chance to be alive and not enemies." She smirked from her seat on the couch.

"Fair enough. So, do we resist the past life?"

Minako wrinkled her nose. "I don't care so much about past lives anymore. I'm not worried about repeating mistakes or desperately trying to fulfill it."

"Then, Aino Minako, would you do me the honor of going out with me Friday night?"

"Friday night… I have a concert, but you could join the others backstage and we could go out Saturday?"

Shin laughed, and Minako smiled. "It's a date. Now… if I'm losing my entire weekend, I need to study…"

"You're as bad as Ami." She stood with a grin. At the door, she kissed his cheek. "I'll see you Friday. Oh, we're all going to dinner before the concert. We're meeting at the Crown at 5. See you then." She waved as she headed off. "C'est la Vie!"


End file.
